May 30, 2011 at 1:27 pm #9119
A few days ago I put my 12 year old Canadian Golden Retreiver down and I have been devestated ever since. She was a beautiful dog, she had the best temperment and was always by my side. She looked just like the dog on the banner of this website 🙂
She came into my life when I was in my third year of University. She journeyed with me through graduation, getting married, starting my career ( 2 transfers), buying my first home, and having my two children. She has been with me through these milestones of my life, and although life grew busy, she always understood.
About six months ago, I brought her to the vet. She was losing alot of weight (she went from being 90 pounds to about 70 in about 14 months) although her appetite was good. She was starting to slow up due to hip-dysplasia and had trouble getting up from bed in the morning. Her body changed drastically. She also started to grow a massive external ‘wart’ on her head that was about the size of a golf-ball (the vet never gave me the option to remove). It bled non-stop. My vet did some blood-work and said that something was going on and assumed her Kidney’s where beginning to fail. They prescribed me some pain medication, buts she didn’t appear to be in any major pain. I asked the dreadful question as i did not want her to suffer and they told me it would be too early to put her down.
Around the time of this vet visit she became slightly incontinent, so i had no choice but to keep her in our mud room of our house during the day when we where gone. I then thought it would be best to put her in the garage during the day becuase there was more room. The accidents where happening about 1-2 times a week mostly bowel movements. She would sleep really heavy at night and snored alot… her hearing was starting to go.
She was able to walk but was slow, she ate good still and drank. I helped her up in the morning because although she could have struggled up i felt bad and helped her. Her growth on her head bothered her becuase she would rub it quiet often.
I took her for a long walk and made her some stir fry for dinner, and decided that I could not stand to see her deteriorate, she was declining more and more… so i called my vet and told them it was time. They never questioned me or told me i needed a consult. I brought her in the next morning and cried the entire time.
I feel guilty, like maybe i jipped her out of her life. She was still excited to see us I don’t know how much pain she was really in. But I know the quality was not there and she was obviously in some discomfort (even with medication). She had an odd odour to her and she would sleep and lay around more often the usual. Her eyes looked dull… I wonder if i could have done more for her?
I also couldnt stand to be there because i was so sad, i left, and now i wish i would have stayed so she could of seen me as she slipped into peace. I miss her deeply and hope i made the right choice.
May 30, 2011 at 2:44 pm #56829
Oh dear I so feel for you. Remember you know her best out of anyone in the world. If the pain was too much for you to see her go through trust me it was probably worse. Dog have a extremely high tolerance for pain and are hard wired to hide it.
Same story for us 5 years ago with our husky…identical in a way. She would take 15 minutes of circling and whining before she would brave it to lay down. No more stairs and then the lack of bladder control started. She was miserable, had always hated and would freak if she had no choice but to go in the house.
When we decided it could not go on, we took her in. The same thing she was excited to be going on a car ride and was eating fine. My husband questioned it for days too. The guilt is a normal part of the grieving process….I will pray you get to acceptance and the ability to remember the good times soon. It is the best part..the good, happy memories that will come.
May 30, 2011 at 3:29 pm #56831
So sorry for your loss. Lots of us on this site have gone through it too, I lost my 15 yr old Lab last year in similar circumstances,, he lost control of his bowels, his heart was failing and seemed to have something else going on. Through time you will stop questioning yourself and come to know that you made the best choice for the dog. It will take a long time but the day will come when you can remember her with smiles instead of tears. Remember we are all here for you whenever you need someone to talk to.
May 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm #56833
Wow, thank you so much for your support and kindness. I never realized how difficult this would be. I am a grown man and have to be brave for my kids, but this one knocked me off my feet…I guess I would have maybe felt better if i seen her ‘more deteriorated’ but it looks like based on your comments she was bad enough…i just cant see that cause of my bias view.
Every-time I get up I go to look for her and take a deep breath when i realize she isn’t there. My wife put an amazing picture of her standing in the bush looking at the camera on our fire place and she overlooks me…i have a very deep lump in my throat at times and fight back tears….i vow never to get another i never realized how hard this would be. I guess i am in the guilt phase right now and can’t believe I made the decision to end her life. Goldens are great dogs and you are all so blessed to be with yours right now…savour every moment.
May 30, 2011 at 3:46 pm #56834
…but your right the fact taht she was eating okay and still excited to go on car rides and etc and etc…made the scenerio a whole lot worse…. i guess i expected more to be carrying her in rather then walking her in.
May 30, 2011 at 4:12 pm #56832
My husband never realised how hard it was to lose a dog as he never had a dog before, I had a dog with Cancer before my Lab and had to have him put to sleep also. Men, Women and Children all feel the loss as dogs hold a very special place in our hearts, my husband did not want another dog but my daugher and myself talked him into a puppy (a Golden) and he is crazy about him. Charlie our Lab is dearly missed and we have his photo collage on the wall, we look at it every day and can now remember him with smiles and laugh about some of his silly antics. It will take you a long time to go through the grieving but you will one day be able to talk about her fondly without the tears falling. Take care and look after each other.
May 30, 2011 at 5:43 pm #56826
So sorry for your loss. Sadly, many of us have been where you are now. I too felt so guilty after I had to let my Bailey go. Should I have waited a few more days? Was there more I could have done for her? But in the end she was suffering, her quality of life was going down and to wait would have been for me, and not the best for her. Take the time to grieve and let the tears flow. We are all here for you.
May 30, 2011 at 6:13 pm #56835
Thanks for your comments, i am slightly better in reading these as far as guilt goes. such a tough thing 🙂
May 30, 2011 at 10:53 pm #56827
We lost our beautiful Maddie on May 21 at 10 years and 2 weeks old. She was everything to us as we have no kids. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.
My condolences on losing your Chelsea….
May 31, 2011 at 1:21 am #56836
I know it is very difficulty my condolences to you as well. Every day gets better.
May 31, 2011 at 4:11 pm #56837
June 2, 2011 at 2:25 am #56838
Just an update things seem to get better as time goes on….but still miss my girl. Thanks to everyone for their support. Goldens are awsome dogs and leave an imprint on ones life forever. It has been a week since i put her down tomorrow and i miss her lots.
I had to repair all the yellow spots in my backyard today cause everytime i looked out i seen them and it made me thing of her = sadness…so i bought sod and cut out all the spots in the lawn and patched them….kinda silly huh! I miss you Chelsesa.
June 2, 2011 at 12:14 pm #56830
So sorry for your loss. And nothing you do to help with the pain is silly. Your story brought back memories of my beloved Sassy, she was a samoyed/lad cross and was 2 weeks short of her 15th birthday. Its been eight years this month, since I made that decission and it was one of the hardest decissions I have ever made. It was mine and mine alone to make. She had been my friend and companion through a divorce, remarriage (a very rocky remarriage), she had grown up with my two children. But deep down I knew it was the right choice, and I have to really believe she did too. She was no longer in pain and discomfort. I did not know about the Rainbow Bridge at the time, but I think it would have made things easier. I know deep down she met her siblings and freinds is is waiting for me when the time is right.
July 20, 2011 at 8:53 pm #56828
I am so sorry, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I, too, know the pain of losing a furkid, it hurts a lot. I have a collage on the wall at the cottage of my favorite pictures of Benny. He, too, enjoyed spending time there. He has been gone seven years now and I can think of him and the great times we had with him without tearing up. They become part of the family and it is difficult to let them go. I know you made the correct decision and you will too someday, but right now it hurts so much. Sending hugs to you and your family.
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